A fall from grace

Yesterday I spent a very pleasant half hour speaking on Six Towns Radio, an online station run by volunteers. With that chat and the work with the children on Tuesday I seem to have been reviewing my life in depth! I spoke a lot about the strength of Renegade Writers and the importance it has on writing, a sort of ongoing editor, absolutely vital.

What these two days have also done is help me greatly mentally. When my job went (and probably for a period before), I went through a period of making bad decisions, an inability to do the sort of things such as talk in committees or to groups, I went into a medium depression, I didn’t see it coming, that is its dreadfulness. I worked through it, using various services, I only took a few tablets because I prefer in ways to at least feel human. I remember in hospital after the operation to remove my bowel I was in great pain, but after the an initial morphine induced stupor I preferred to have some pain and feel alive, only taking stuff when it was just too much. Brave, no, pain is debilitating, I couldn’t read, watch, listen, write, but my mind was active. I had no idea how pain just overtook everything until I went through it.

Those two sessions have helped me realise I am back to my usual self and want more!

I am a bit woozy today. When I got out of Barry’s car last night after Renegades Writers, decided to go into my flat the back way, and found myself flat out on the thick icy pavement. I banged my head and it hurt, my shoulder blade hurt, my hip hurt, my ego hurt! I lay for about a minute, making sure nothing really stupid had happened. A few cars passed by, perhaps they thought I was one of the drunks. It was so slippery I had difficulty standing up, but pulled myself up on the lamppost. This morning I have woken up with a headache and a very painful shoulder blade. My friend Wendy says I have a little lump on my head, but I can’t see it, and should go to the doctor, I may.

It was nothing more than will happen to many people in this cold spell. The council doesn’t bother clearing pavements and when the snow has cleared away they are thick sheets of ice. Oddly in Hartshill, where Renegades meet, only a couple of miles away, there was no sign of ice or snow!

Is falling one of the signs of aging? My mother quite often had falls, she had severe arthritis and falls were not at all good. I remember when she fell downstairs, eventually she went to the doctor, they gave her painkillers and basically told her to go away, she was from that non-complaining generation. When she went for a hip replacement a few years later they found she’d had a broken hip!

Today’s photograph is of the sensor in my ‘garden’ for the weather centre in my kitchen. Cold, overcast (ready to dump snow) 10.30am.



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